Self-diagnosis, "agoraphobia" and bike riding...

If you ask some of my closest friends what I had self-diagnosed myself with last year. They would tell you that I would go around telling them I had become a schizophrenic. They would then continue to mock me and then try to explain to me that I was being irrational and simply exaggerating whatever "bi-polar"-ish behavior I was trying to explain or justify. And yes, I was exaggerating. Looking back (which was really just a couple of months ago) I know, I was exaggerating. I was probably (still am) RESTLESS. And well, I just couldn't call it that, because being schizo is so much more serious and sounds so much like a "real" problem.
And yes, I admit I was being over dramatic. And those same friends of mine who had to listen to my many rants about my "medical-mental" condition will tell you that I do probably do/did that pretty often. I guess you could say that like Beyonce has her Sasha Fierce, I have my "teenage drama queen" - call her whatever you want - alter ego. While Sasha Fierce is Beyonce's sexy twin, my twin is the overly stressed, anxiety, rambling Sasha Angst.


So for the last couple of months (after many discussions about my so called schizophrenic "diagnosis") I have moved past it, and realized that whatever I was or am going through is more correctly just some good ol' fashioned restlessness. And yes, it might sound less serious and it might not be an official medical term. But at least I am not striving to label or diagnose myself with a serious condition that is as pointed out already much more serious than a case of "having worms in your a**" (another Norwegian expression that works poorly in english!). Because going around telling your friends you have caught a serious mental disease is not fair to those people who actually suffer from the real stuff. 


So lesson learned, or wait...

You see since I have been having less school work to focus on (im done with three exams, only two to go), less mandatory classes and less work (my boss has practically given me all of may off) I have been sacking it up at home lately. And my newest self-diagnose is that I have caught a mean streak of agoraphobia. (I am just not proclaiming it to the "world" like a serious and literal thing, like I did with the above mentioned condition...)

Now wikipedia explains the conditon as:


Agoraphobia (from Greek ἀγορά, "marketplace"; and φόβος/φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where it is perceived to be difficult or embarrassing to escape. These situations can include, but are not limited to, wide-open spaces, and uncontrollable social situations such as may be met in shopping malls, airports, and on bridges. Agoraphobia is defined within the DSM-IV TR as a subset of panic disorder, involving the fear of incurring a panic attack in those environments.[1] The sufferer may go to great lengths to avoid those situations, in severe cases becoming unable to leave their home or safe haven.



Since my last failed attempt at self-diagnosing my "condition" I am not claiming to seriously suffer from this (this time). But I will say, and I think I am I am experiencing some mild agoraphobic anxiety these days. 

For example I am constantly rethinking and last minute retreating from taking walks outside if I actually don't HAVE to go out. I want to go for walks, I want to take my new bike for a ride and I want to do these things alone. Anyhow lately I have only gone out of the house when I actually have made plans with someone (meaning it has been written down in my calender with precise time and place scrolled down) or if I absolutely need to, or have to go out, like if I have to go buy something from the store. Other than that there has been been many home-study days which honestly becomes home slouchy days, with tv, youtube and music interfering with everything else. 



Once I go to campus to study, I will do so with my trusty study-buddy and I will 1- 2 times a week go to the gym right after. Not stopping by my house, because I know I will not leave once I'm inside. It seems to work and I am glad to at least be doing that much. Cause simply going to the gym is such a big step in the right direction if anyone like me is going through similar anxieties or depressions. I can now honestly say that I can master Zumba classes with a bunch of girls, or even crowded gyms filled with bulky, sweaty men and women. 



So with that out of the way, I am still trying to be more comfortable with just the simpler tasks of going for a walk or even taking that damn bike of mine out for a ride. So far, I have been out riding my bike two times, both at night, in the dark (paranoid much?) Why? Well, because there's no people on the streets, and there's most importantly no cars blinding me or driving next to me staring (thats what I feel) at me. 


So to conclude this excessively long rant and after this weekends serious bike "pimpage" (my vintage 67' rusty bike now has a wooden pleated basket!), my goal for the next week is to ride that bike like I have never rode a bike before! You know, just hoping Sasha Angst will have better things to do than to come out and play...



To end this awesome rant and to reward anyone for reading it, I will shower you with some awesome vintage bike eye candy. (My personal bike will not be shown, so if you must, imagine a blue, rustier, dirtier version of these bikes below :) 

Photos: Google, source unknown.